Husband *sees me reading something on AO3, all blushing and flustered and emotional*: Oooh, I know that look! Are you reading one of your saucy fics where they just have torrid sex for dozens or pages? You naughty girl.

Me *lips trembling*: They’re… they’re ho-holding h-h-h-hands.

Husband: …

Me: At the Ritz.

Husband: I really don’t know how to answer that.